Does practice make perfect?

Carl Rogers noted that about 80%of all messages sent could be so categorized, whereas about 20% seemed incidental or of no importance. He concluded that, if any one person used more than 40% of the responses, he/she would be so stereotyped. The overuse, or under use of the responses, seems to interfere with helping the sender and with building a relationship. Which is most appropriate? Under what conditions? You may wish to explore this in the group.[1],[2]

A rule of thumb is found in the acronym U. P. S. I. E. The Understanding response is most likely to be very helpful in the initial stages of a relationship and encourages self-disclosure. Probing may be helpful in increasing self-disclosure if questions asked are open-ended, e.g., "how," and "what."  "Why" questions tend to decrease self-disclosure as they foster excuses, rationalizations, and projections. Support is particularly helpful when someone seems not to have enough energy, or courage to handle situations well. Interpretations must be used cautiously, but may be helpful in confrontations. Evaluations are best reserved for value clarifications and in relationships of some duration.

The only way to really develop any skill is through practice, either mental imagery, or in action. The following fishbowl technique is designed to familiarize you with the following listening responses: [U.P.S.I. E.] Understanding, Probing, Supportive, Interpretative, Evaluative. Part of the fun in developing any skill is to experience the different style each of us uses and to note the tremendous variety of our responses.

Assignment

In lesson 33 you applied the 5 listening responses to a hypothetical person that was represented in the paragraph as the talker. Now it is your chance to practice your newly learned listening responses in a real life situation. You can ask a friend to be the talker and then you will be the listener. Set a time limit of 10 or 15 minutes and use all of your listening responses. Keep a tally of those responses used and mark them in the  chart below. At the end of the time period count the tally of those responses and make sure that you did not use more than 40 percent of any one response and that you used all of those responses. Finally, ask the person what responses he/she liked the most and the least. Don't forget, of course, to ask the most important question as to whether the person thought that you cared listening to him or her in the first place.

Don't confuse this assignment with lesson 22-23 whereby you just listened to others talking and then answered some questions whether or not you thought they were listening to each other. You must be the listener and not just have a conversation with a person in a free for all discussion. You must just use the listening responses and not end up being the talker yourself.

An alternative assignment if you are in the classroom setting or wish to teach the listening responses to others might be to utilize the Fish Bowl Below. This will require some effort on your part to teach those listening responses to others and to have each one practice being the talker, the listener, and to be an observer and to mark a tally of the listening responses used by each person that participated as a listener. When you have completed the assignment or the alternative assignment report your findings and send your chart below with the details of the listening responses that you used.

Fish Bowl Technique

Form a group of two, or more, or join in a chat room which is available, and  practice using the reposes. Each member role plays his/her respective listening part. Observers give feedback to role players and tabulate the percentage of each response. Time yourself for about 15 minutes and record, or have an observer record, the type of listening response used during the time. Tally the total number of verbal responses used. Finally  indicate which type of responses were most frequently used and which were least.  Were any responses used more than 40%?   What did you learn from this exercise? Use the following table to assist you in recording the responses. Fill in the number of times you used each response in the table below and send it via email and your answers to the above questions.

                                Type of listening responses                      Number of responses in timed period

1.Don E. Hamachek, Encounter with Others: Interpersonal Relationships and You, New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, Inc.1982, p.212,
2. David W. Johnson,  Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self Actualization 9th ed. Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 2006, p.234

Email: rbrehm@msn.com  Telephone: Cell 206-930-4197.
Copyright © 1998  [Robert Brehm]. All rights reserved.
                                                                                      Home Page