Did you ever wonder what influence your self-esteem had
over you in how much you liked another person and how much they liked you? Research has
shown that the greater a person's feeling of self-doubt and insecurity, the more he/she
will be attracted to a person who likes him/her. It seems acceptance and approval by
others is particularly important to those whose self-esteem is low. Perhaps, you have
noticed an exception to the rule that like attracts likes. In fact sometimes a physically
attractive person with low self-esteem may choose someone who matches/his her own
self-perception.[1]
In short: Self-esteem is our internal thermometer which measures
the degree we value our self and is the quality which frees, or limits, our choices
whether we attract others with similar, or dissimilar assets and physical features.
When it comes to the interpersonal attraction process, it can be
helpful to understand the dynamics of self-esteem. If our self-esteem is low, we can take
remedial steps to help improve this shaken self-concept and thus improve our chances of
establishing more satisfying relationships. We could also note that when our self-esteem
is low we tend to pick people who give us negative feedback. Since feedback which we
receive is accepted when it agree with our self-concept, we would be more aware when
others find our feedback not acceptable. Finally, if low self-esteem is something that we
recognize in ourselves, then we can be more watchful in picking people who continually
show us signs of disapproval.
What is self-esteem? Our self-esteem is the sum total of the
attitudes and feelings we hold about ourselves. These attitudes and feelings are based on
the self-image, or picture we have of ourselves. These past pictures are based upon
memories which we have selected to believe represent us best. These images are generalized
pictures which we have acquired largely from others' opinions of us. As you might guess,
these images have power, in that they exist in our mind,( back to projections again named
introjections this time) upon which we make assumptions about ourselves. See if you
can get in touch with some of those images by filling in the blanks to the sentences
below.
1. I see myself as________________________.
2. I want to be _________________________.
3. I do not see myself as____________________.
4. I do not want to be______________________.
5. I want others to see me__________________.