How can I stop others' projections?

The paradox of projection is that it is hardest to stop when it is easiest to see.

How do you break up projections when they are detrimental to you without terminating the relationship or without seeking a professional counselor? When you intervene in someone's projection you should first try using the least amount of confrontation possible which reduces the risk of your having to terminate the relationship.

Leon Festinger's "Law of Cognitive Dissonance" [ Lesson 19] postulated that when feelings are in contradiction with thoughts, a person attempts to reconcile them, by justifying them. If you can pin point a projection when it is small, you can likely take advantage of Leon Festinger's "Law of Consonance," which states that when a person experiences an unpleasant state, he/she will attempt to introduce new elements in his, or her, cognitive system. [1]

Do you see the star burst above? How to change someone's projection may be analogous to your visualizing the burst of the star above.

Be careful here to review the difference between soliciting feedback from another person so that you can change a negative trait that you wish to change in yourself and in using the star burst technique that is designed to break up the projection of a negative trait that another person has attributed to you.

With feedback you are soliciting information from the person so you can change the way you are.

You may need to review how we are using the concepts projection in this course and also to review how to give and receive feedback that can be found in your text. Guidelines for using or receiving feedback are listed in your text. [2]

1.Focus feedback on the behavior and not on the person's personality. ( Notice that projection is a judgment and is an attribution error that a person ascribes to you.)

2. Be descriptive not judgmental. ( Notice that a person is judgmental when they are projecting as they are attributing a negative characteristic of themselves to you.)

3. Focus your feedback on a specific situation rather than on an abstract behavior.
( When a person is projecting, he or she is making a hasty generalization and stereotyping your behavior. )

4. Focus your behavior on the "here and now." (When a person is projecting he or she usually describes you as being that way in the past.)

5. Do not give more feedback that a person can understand at the time. ( When a person projects, he or she does not ask but just "dumps on you " or attributes to you anything he or she wishes.)

With the use of the starburst technique you are trying to change the other person's projection of you.

Consider yourself fortunate if you have not had anyone attribute a negative trait to you. You may skip this lesson and use this technique only if and when someone attributes a negative trait to you. If you use the star burst technique be sure you use the following four steps listed below without any using explanations or rationalizations on your part.

1. Agree with the person's projection as quickly as possible.

2. Ask for some examples of how the person came to their conclusion.

3. Request any other examples that the person may give you to support his or her assumption.

4. Thank the person for the information and invite him/or her to tell you any time he/she sees you doing this behavior or saying what the person heard you say again.

If you can quickly visualize one bit of the star burst, i.e., a bit of the person's projection, you should quickly agree with a bit of the star burst, i.e., with the person's projection. The person will likely think that you agreed with the entire star burst and may stop projecting on you. If you cannot agree to seeing a bit of the star burst, i.e., a bit of the person's projection, then you should ask the person to clarify. Apply the star burst technique again and again, until you can agree with even the smallest bit of the person's projection, and you will probably have stopped the star burst's expansion, or, at least, limited its damage to you.

Continuing the star burst analogy, if the above did not work, then continue obtaining feedback from the person. Pay particular attention to what you think you can change of the projection and change it. As the person sees a bit of change, it becomes easier for him/ her [ Law of Consonance] to continue seeing you change. In effect, you will have stopped the star burst from continuing its expansion.

You can test the validity of the "Law of Consonance" and the star burst technique with someone who you believe has started projecting on you. Let me suggest you start with these research questions:

Does the person seem to see me slightly differently after I have agreed with him or her?

Remember a projection is just a mind's habit of forming an image of you. Projections must be reinforced to be perpetuated.

Projections can be broken as you stop reinforcing certain actions and reinforce others. [3]